Finding Yourself After Baby

When you give birth a whole new world opens up to you. It’s rich, deep and unlike anything you’ve ever experienced. The beauty of these new feelings can be breathtaking and even overwhelming at times. The attention and needs of your baby are all of a sudden front in line and you – well you sort of disappear. This can be painful. My good friend and doula Patti Quintero talks about pregnancy as your transition from Maiden to Mother and as with any growing process some growing pains are bound to come up. My first year as a mom was hard. It was such a battle of emotions because I was so in love with my son but he was all-consuming, as babies are and that left little to no time for myself. Even after he went to bed, my time then became to be a wife. I’d put him to bed, cook, eat, pump and then go to sleep. As someone who really values alone time this was tough. When it came time for me to express those feelings, I didn’t know how. I was overwhelmed, not sure how to ask for what I needed nor did I know exactly what that was. Instead, I’d break down, sure enough, at least once a month. Meltdown, on the floor sobbing, not sure what to do. I didn’t feel “enough”. Not enough of a mom, a wife and certainly not good enough for myself. I had to find myself again but there was no time to do it. This new role of mom left me with a new identity but I wasn’t exactly sure who she was yet. Honestly, I’m still figuring her out but to honor her, I’ve found a sitter and I use her enough to have some time to get “me time”. I’m finally discovering and getting to know who I am again. I’m different and the same. There is still a lot to learn but she feels new and fresh and like she has a lot to show me and accomplish and I want to honor her not only as a mother but as a woman and I think we all need that as moms, don’t we? To feel seen, heard, recognized and like we have something to offer, because we do. We all do.

Sending love to all you out there who feel the same. I see you.

Love, Lauren